Man Explains Why Pressurizing a Partner for Physical Intimacy Can Actually Be a Turn-Off
Constant grumbling or making your spouse feel like they're failing at their "duty" to be physically intimate has a bad effect on your relationship.
Each relationship has its own set of conventions for expressing and understanding love for one another. However, it may be challenging and stressful to talk through moments when one spouse wants physical contact and the other does not. A TikToker named @dougweaverart recently posted a video discussing intimate connections and the issues many couples are facing today.
Doug Weaver made this video in response to a comment, "When you're to once a month come and say that again". He starts the video with a clear-cut reminder of how intimacy is not about pressurizing your partner when they’re not feeling like it.
"I've stated so many times that I don’t believe in pressuring your spouse to have intercourse with you when they don’t want to. If you ask them to have intercourse with you and they say no, it is not appropriate to throw a fit". He adds how people pose questions like, "Why did we even get married if we're not going to be having sex?" which can make their partner feel guilty for not fulfilling their "duties".
"Oh no, it’s been 14 days. It’s been three weeks. If I don’t have intercourse with them now, they’re going to resent me, they’re going to hate me. It’s going to destroy our marriage," he says pointing towards the partners who say "no". Instead of working on the quality, most spouses are looking for frequency and couples feel they need to "push through" an intimate moment in order to "start the clock over" and save their love. He claimed that that frequency is irrelevant and should be disregarded.
He said, before divulging some personal details about his wife and marriage, "The common response that I get is 'Well, that’s easy for you to say because your wife wants to do stuff with you. Come talk to me when it’s been a month, three months, a year. He adds, "Just because we haven’t done something in a while doesn’t mean I’m going to apply more pressure, that pressure is probably why we haven’t done it in the first place. I’ve never pressured my wife in that way, but the pressure that society puts on us, the way we are trained — she came with that pressure. It took a long time and a lot of communication for us to really establish that there is no clock."
Weaver said that he and his wife found it helpful to quit keeping track of days. “If my wife is having intercourse with me just because she feels like she needs to — to be a good wife or whatever — she’s not going to have a good time. It’s not going to be good”. In one of his videos, he also talked about how even men feel pressurized when it comes to physical intimacy. He emphasizes how even men can say no to intimacy, and it’s a myth that a ‘real man’ always wants it. Whether the pressure comes from society or your spouse, intimacy should not be a chore but something you enjoy with your partner. According to Weaver, the poor quality of that sex will discourage you from engaging in sexual activity in the future.