‘Mankeeping’ is draining women — they are tired of being a ‘therapist’ in an unequal relationship

Dating in today's era has become more emotionally draining, especially for women, according to a study from Stanford. This is mainly because, rather than experiencing mutual support and shared effort, many women are burdened with constantly managing their partner’s emotions, being their therapists and life coaches, and helping them to heal and grow. This specific dynamic is now being referred to as ‘mankeeping.’ As a result of this, women are reportedly experiencing emotional burnout and have begun to rethink what they truly want in a long-term relationship.

The study also highlighted that 'Mankeeping' has become more common these days as men allegedly have fewer close friendships when compared to women, so they end up dumping their emotional stress onto their partners, as reported by the New York Post. Angelica Puzio Ferrara, a developmental psychologist and a postdoctoral candidate from Stanford, spoke about this and said, “In the U.S., about one in five men claim they have no close friends. In comparison to women’s social networks, men’s social networks in the U.S. and UK tend to be thinner in depth, less frequent in emotional disclosure, and more rarely relied on for support.”

Although many boys have close friendships while growing up, those bonds often fade as they get older. This is leading women to take a step back from the dating scene. Ferrara further said, “This is the labor that women take on to shore up losses in men’s social networks and reduce the burden of this isolation on families, on the heterosexual bond itself, and on men.” She added, “The barriers that men are facing in their relationships have the potential to expand women’s labor on men’s behalf.” Identifying and recognizing this issue is one of the first and most important steps.

However, a few social media users criticized this point of view as one X (formerly Twitter) user, @Kaustub13682291, commented, "First fight that men don’t share their emotions, their feelings, etc, and when one does, call it mankeeping. Wow, way to pat your backs. Keep it up." Another person, who goes by the username @ElliotKane, wrote, "We've gone from 'men aren't open enough about their emotions' to 'men are too emotional' in under a decade. That's pretty amazing." Similarly, @tuckerisonx chimed in and said, "Best advice is to just never share your feelings with women. Nobody wins this gotcha game of too much/not enough."

Meanwhile, women also carry the emotional weight in their family lives as they constantly keep a check on their kids, plan birthdays, and try to keep everyone together. This hidden effort is called kinkeeping. This is already a lot of pressure, and when it gets combined with mankeeping, it leaves many women feeling drained, as reported by Forbes. One important point Ferrara made was that not all men face the heartbreaking emotional loneliness. Her research also highlighted the fact that many men, especially queer and gay men, often have strong, supportive friendships in their lives.