Mother-of-two reminds fellow moms that they don’t have to do it all — tells dads to step up

A family coach is determined to let other moms know that they don't have to do it all. Lori Sugarman-Li, a mother of two sons aged 10 and 12 spoke about an incident recently that got her thinking. Her female client was going to meet with a group of moms to plan a father-daughter dance for their children's school. She was mildly surprised that the moms took it upon themselves to plan this event and decided to encourage the dads to do the planning themselves. 

"School and community volunteering has for too long been categorized as women's work," Sugarman-Li captioned her Instagram post. "Dads - it's time to step in. Plan your dance. Show your daughters you don't think it should all fall on them someday too. Show your sons how to rock this beautiful work." She noted that "men are surely passionate, absolutely creative, and have endless insights and expertise" but what seems to lack is that "sense of responsibility." She added, "The notion that this is a space where they belong - is wanted, needed! Can thrive. Can impact their children's journey in such meaningful ways."

Many women seem to be doing more of the "invisible labor" when it comes to raising kids. More conversation is growing around making sure dads are just as involved in the process. "It sort of struck me in that moment, that is representative of so many things and so many examples and so many hours of volunteering that women offer for the benefit of others," Sugarman-Li told Good Morning America. "In sharing this example in the post, I really wanted to [highlight] that, in addition to having these important conversations about what goes on in the home, we should also start a conversation about what happens in our community and the weight of that community volunteerism that women carry."

The coach also noted the disparity in her own life when she was at a parents' association meeting for her own sons where there were 17 women and not one man. "I was so aware of that void of not having any male voices around the table," she said, adding that she had a conversation with fellow moms at the meeting about getting more dads involved. "We were laughing because not only did we go through the entire agenda at hand, to try to solve all those problems, but now we carry the problem of how to get more men involved."

The Chicago native assured that it's not about splitting the tasks right down in the middle but finding some sense of equal responsibility. "It's not a system with a goal of 50/50," she said. "What I tell my clients is, I want to help you guys get to equal joy and equal rest, and whatever the balance of work and the dynamic of the work that gets you guys to that beautiful place, that's the magic for your family."

Sugarman-Li continued, "It's not about men necessarily getting more work to do. It's about this work being done more efficiently, more thoughtfully, and at the end of the day, taking up less of our time."