Conflicts happen; arguments are unavoidable. If you want to diffuse the situation and not make it worse, restrain from saying out loud these 8 phrases.
Nobody really wants to fight, unless you're the neurotic kind who gets a kick out of pissing people off and watching them lose it. But we also know fights are inevitable in relationships. Experts argue that conflicts are healthy and can actually bring the couple closer to each other.
However, there are a few things that can turn an argument into a full-fledged battle scene. It's those snarky remarks that are way off the line and do nothing to resolve the issue that often triggers others. When this has a sexist undertone, things sure are likely to blow the roof. So whether it's your partner, mom, sibling or a friend, here are phrases to avoid when fighting with a woman.
As harmless as this might seem, asking an individual who is obviously pissed off to "relax" like they are doing this because they have nothing else to do to fill their time, suggests that you think one of these things:
What she says isn't so important for her to get so riled up
She is in a crabby mood and that is the only reason she is arguing with you
Whatever it is she is feeling or thinking at the moment, you don't want to be disturbed by the noise. You'd rather prefer she "relaxes."
On the surface, you might think only jerks would say this, but if you knew the stats, according to your assumption, the number of jerks would be skyrocketing. This single line reduces every rational argument and reasonable expectations to be a bunch of hormone-ridden impulses.
If you do ask this, watch for responses that you might be have been too complacent or thick to comprehend in the first place:
Why do you have to be so dramatic?
- Because you do not listen when I try to have a normal conversation about it the FIRST TIME AROUND!
- You think this is drama? What's your idea of Broadway?
- You think I have time for drama, considering the time and effort I put into having to live with someone who is not yet adult enough to handle their own SH*T?
Timing, guys. Timing. If you say this when she seems ticked that you left the towel once again on the bed and you look at her sheepishly, this might work at times. But if she feels disappointed that you forgot to show up at her gig/an important event that means to her OR after you've acted like a jealous jock in front of her friends, she might never want to see you again, forget kissing you.
In case you live in a planet where you assume sex can "cool down" an angry woman, here's a fact about women on planet earth. Women cannot calm down through sex. They enjoy sex when they are calm and relaxed.
Not only is this pointless, it's so not classy, guys. Even if your partner has been hurt in the past and is being a little bit more touchy that you think is necessary about certain issues, bringing up an ex and hinting it as your partner's fault that they were treated that way by an ex can pierce through her broken heart.
For all you know, the guy could have been a total jerk, and that's why your lady decided to move on. She knew she deserved better. Don't make her question it with you, again.
This is the same as saying, "Well, I think this is bullsh#t, but I don't want to talk about it. So let me say what you want to hear and move on." She would be happy if you say this because you really think it was your fault and not because you say that to end the fight.
Don't give her "that" look. You know what we are talking about. But since there are so many looks that you use to drive home a message, let's get specific.
The "are you out of your mind" look
The "you got to be kidding, the match is about to start and I have no time for this" annoyed look
The "err, what did you say? I was trying to figure the remote" zoned out look
The "I have no idea what you are talking about" innocent pup look
The "everything is fine, what are you even talking about" puzzled look
None of this will work.
Here's a tip. Most women, if they could see that you feel what they feel, even if you don't agree with them, will instantly feel more connected and less angry. The more defensive you get, the more she wants to break through the defense and reach out to you, through angry words or tears.
The lesser you discount or invalidate her feelings as silly, crazy, or neurotic, the sooner she will calm down and have an "objective" conversation with you.
We understand that anything emotional is seen as irrational in many male brains, so being a tad bit more empathetic and staying away from stereotypical assumptions might help you understand that ladies make perfect sense even when our voice goes shrill or have tears rolling down our face.
Here is some expert advice from on how to work through conflict.