Nice people often tend to suffer in silence and a smile on their face. But there is more to it than meets the eye, check for these signs if your niceness is hurting you
Despite our usual display of skepticism and vigil, we confront people on a daily basis and many a time we come across special people who step in to save the day without us realizing it. Our family and friends circles may have more than one such nice guy. Someone who does not mind going back to the ice cream shop just for you, or does not cut back corners when they volunteer for doing something that nobody else wants to take up. And many times you end up that being that person who doesn't mind that person who goes that extra mile to make people happy around you.
Ever wondered how these people can be smiling and fun even when facing some negative and unsavory situations that life throws at them? What about the times when they feel offended or find something that does not do right by them? Does being nice open one to greater emotional and psychological damage?
Being too nice often can take a toll on a person too. Here are some of the common side effects of being too nice.
One of the things many nice people can't get over is under-performing on their own standards. They feel responsible for the things that could go wrong and did not produce the outcome one intended for their undertaking. Some of the common thoughts of somebody who thinks about others would first blame their own self for an issue.
They would feel torn at the inconsistency of their display of adequate effort or created image. This only makes daily living look like a living hell when one can't stop but beat themselves up over a missed chance or an outcome back.
Yes, being good and effective at keeping people happy has its own perks, it comes with its own set of subjective negativities that one can not always find themselves immune against, or ready for. It is not easy to admit that one can't always be nice or good.
So what do nice people do about it? They tend to not express their negative emotions or evaluations about things that perturbed them. Internalization occurs when one does not let out what they are feeling and end up bottling their negative thoughts in. Some of us can cope with the conflict of thoughts and emotions. But quite a few of us may end up developing unhealthy coping mechanisms.
This one can have various expressions. One may not always burst out with a big display, however, there are smoldering and silent ambers of contempt that sizzle from time to time. This is another major and stark side effect of the internalization that one goes through more often than they would like.
It is mostly an effect of the expectation one associates or naturally holds when they are putting in an effort to extend their best selves towards others. Ideally, one would want the recipients of their niceness to learn from their example and somewhere also be able to apply similar mechanisms to add more value and understanding to their times together.
Nobody wants to have a reputation of being a threat to a party's vibe. However, despite the niceness, one can't help sometimes when things become too painfully discordant, for example, when your friends keep spilling their drinks on the table and you have not given much reaction to it. What happens when a nice person reaches their tipping point?
Mostly, to not be a buzz-killer or the uncool control freak, one may indirectly make their point by using guilt or subtle pressure. People may perceive such observable behaviors as identifiers of a controlling person or someone with no chills at all.
This one has layers of niceness to peel off before one can recognize this tendency. If a nice person wants something they would consider what the other person would desire. Then, they would downplay their demands so that the other person is not overwhelmed and the outcome would seem favorable to them.
For example, if Kyle wants Roger to cover his weekend shift, but if Kyle thinks Roger would not agree to that, he would ask Roger to cover his Saturday shift. This is a sort of pre-compromising tendency. This way, Kyle may not get what he wants.
Nice people may want others to develop the understanding enough so that they don't have to ask, but one must know that not everyone can read people's minds to produce the exact dialogue they want. This way nice people end up getting diluted versions of their demands met, not exactly that, but a little bit somewhere what they wanted.
What happens when a person can't say what they want and end up getting something resembling a fraction of their demand? Meaningful and deep relationships work based on communication. However, if one keeps being forced into internalization and pre-compromising, a person can't truly say what they want.
Imagine constantly giving up on your original ideas to make sure you are nice to the other person. Naturally, there would be less scope of being honest and emotionally intimate, since one person is not only changing their words but also their entire expectation's intensity.
This effect is even more accentuated if both the involved parties (e.g. romantic partners) are too nice to say anything close to what they want. A superficial relationship is what comes out of such variables.
Emotional rationing or being the torch-bearer of unattended hanging emotions and desires does take a toll. Compensating for others' selfishness with your kind heart can exhaust someone. When nobody is paying attention to those unmet essential wishes, it can make one too hopeless or even induce depression. But not for long.
One may recover in some time to get back on their job, but such disappointments can be periodic in nature and it may not be healthy to have emotional cycles with too great extremes stretching out - one where something goes your way, and the other one is where you are not getting anything but cold sadness or ignorance from the people.
However, never let your niceness be dulled down by such things. It may just make you stronger, but a healthy balance can help you to be fair to yourself as well as others around you. Have you found your balance yet?