Are you still stuck somewhere with your ex, emotionally? Is there anything that is stopping you from giving your 100 percent in your present relationship?
Having someone to love you, make you believe that they will always stand with you against all the odds, make you a better version of yourself, is a boon in itself. Having that someone special always close to you makes you want to live your life to the fullest. While cuddling, mushy messages, romantic dinners, mare wonderful accompaniments of a loving relationship, fights, arguments, and anger to come along with them.
But, with time the butterflies settle down and the real deal starts which needs that extra time, effort and dedication from both the partners. Apart from all the aforementioned things the act of forgiveness, is also a pivotal ingredient to make a marriage work.
You and your partner go through many ups and downs, which will affect both of you emotionally and mentally. When the going gets tough the peace from a relationship starts drifting away. There will be many times when you or your partner would want to give up, to avoid ugly confrontations.
While there can be a variety of instances which will force you to call it quits or give up on the relationship there are a couple of questions you should ask yourself to get a clearer picture.
There are times when you unknowingly burden your relationship with your own expectations and desires. These expectations and desires might be something your partner is finding hard to comprehend. Therefore, it is important to ask yourself what are the five utmost important qualities you are looking from your partner? If by asking that, you are able to figure out the right answer it will become easy for you to make your partner understand too.
It is important to know that your partner is also going through the same feeling but maybe doesn't know how to exhibit the anxiety, fear, and sorrow to you. Relationships are never easy, and before jumping to any negative conclusions and assumptions, it is important to ask yourself, that who really is making things complicated? Your partner or your own muddled state of mind?
Most problems trigger in a relationship when you start isolating yourself with your confusions and doubts. You need to understand that, when you are in a relationship, you need to share every single emotion with your partner because they deserve to know. There might be times when you don't see your partner feeling the same agony as you, or feeling the same pain as you are, in such situation, assuming that the relationship is not that important for your partner is not a fair thing to do. It is important to remind yourself that your partner is going to know some things only when you tell him/her.
Only you can tell your partner, what is bothering you about them. Communicating helps and requires honesty and patience. It is important to know that no one is always self-critical about themselves, they need someone to tell them about the wrongs they are doing in a relationship, and they need someone to pinpoint them when they lag behind. Every relationship requires honest conversations and a lot of talking when the going gets tough. It is very important to stick to yourself and communicate when you are upset about anything with your partner.
The relationship needs equal efforts from both of you. To struggle alone is not a fair thing to do with yourself and your partner. If it is about any office issues or any family issues- everything should be discussed because you both are equally responsible for taking care of each other's lives, when it is falling apart. You might feel guilty to involve your partner in your personal mess, but the truth is, if you don't do that, your relationship might suffer as well.
It is because, when something goes wrong that doesn't involve your partner, spoils your mood and makes you anxious. You start behaving differently and eventually, your mad mood affects your partner's mood as well. This situation might make you feel trapped, because of which you might start feeling alone and eventually the relationship starts losing the essence of togetherness. After all, what is the point of having someone in your life with whom you cannot share all about your problem?
When things are not going well in a relationship, and the coldness seeps in, it is always important to give yourself and your partner some time alone. Spending time alone helps in understanding and thinking about the details and problems of life. Spending time with yourself helps in working things out properly. Things might be going wrong because you and your partner are not thinking about the solution, and are constantly fighting over problems that need time to think.
Therefore, when you decide to stay alone and live by yourself for some time, you might be able to think where you are going wrong in a relationship. Putting yourself away for a while is only going help the relationship work through the hard times, instead of making it tougher.
It is true that every relationship goes through ups and downs, has ugly fights and misunderstandings. But, it is also important to remember that there is a fine line between what is worth fighting for and what is not. It is also important to understand when to stop and when to let go. Do not put yourself in that guilt trap where you feel bad breaking off things that are not making your easy and peaceful. You will have to understand that sometimes, not every relationship works out, no matter how much love you both invested in it.
It is always healthy to save your peace of mind and your partner's from turning into a toxic one. The moment you realize that your relationship is turning into a drag, remember to take a stand for yourself and free yourself from anything toxic. Do not be hard on yourself and make you unhappy constantly. It is never a healthy relationship where you have to be unhappy most of the time.
You might have a past that you are unable to get over. Past is what makes you act in your present sometimes, therefore, it is important to ask yourself, how clear your mind feels when you look back? Are you still stuck somewhere with your ex, emotionally? Is there anything that is stopping you from giving your 100 percent in your present relationship? You should be able to confront yourself first because there might be something that you have been running from all this while.
When things are going wrong in your relationship, you will have to sit and talk to yourself. You need to talk about the unspoken feeling that you have for your past with your partner so that your partner is able to help you. Your partner might be the one who will pull back from your past and give you the life you deserve.
People make mistakes. Your partner might have done things that are making your life a hard one. However, it is important to ask yourself, whether your partner deserves to be forgiven for real, or you want more answers. It is true that there are some things that are not acceptable.
However, life might be unfair sometimes. Your partner might genuinely repent, and you need to take a stand for yourself at that moment. Because if you are finding hard to forgive, then you will find staying with your partner even harder.