Do you say sorry through the day for things you don't need to? This reveals 7 facts about your personality. Read on to also know what you should never be apologetic about.
Oops. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Did I startle you? (although it's 10 AM and you should be up and be helping around)
I'm sorry. I guess you didn't hear me right. (because you were busy chatting all through the meeting)
I'm sorry. I am not a superhuman as you want me to be.
Sorry. Please go ahead and tell me (although you're boring me to death and I really don't want to miss going to the gym).
Sorry, is there something I can do (to help you out of a situation you drove yourself into for the 100th time)
I'm sorry. Oh, you said you don't like me apologizing, right. Sorry about that.
If you are kind who slips out an apology even before you pause to realize what you are sorry for, you probably are familiar with each of the situations above. We've been told it's good to own up to our mistakes. It's good to not being egoistic and take the first step to call for a truce. We've also been told that apologizing to make our relationship better is a healthy strategy.
All of this is true. But not many of us have been taught to not feel sorry for being who we are or having the values, preferences, and priorities that we do. We were never told how to handle situations, which demand that we choose to love someone else OR love ourselves, as though the two are mutually exclusive.
So why we say sorry even when there is nothing to apologize? Here's what saying sorry constantly says about you:
As cliche as this might seem, a poor self-worth makes you second all your choices and decisions. If you really want to stay in and rest after a long day and your partner feels like socializing, you could try to go out for their sake. Saying sorry when you refuse is legit, here.
But if this is the case every weekend and you slip out a sorry simply for stating you are tired and believe you owe it to them to be up and ready for everything they want irrespective of how tired your body feels or exhausted your mind is, you're putting your own needs second.
Do you say sorry when can't give in to an unreasonable request? Do you feel guilty to say NO to work late hours even if that means your health or personal life is going for a toss? Do you smile at sexist jokes even though you cringe within? You haven't signed up a contract of patience or tolerance for bullshit with anyone.
If you apologize often for simply making adult choices that you have the right to make, you are probably afraid of rocking the boat. People are always going to get offended if that's what they do, you can't squeeze your existence into a mold to fit narrow minds.
Irrespective of your size or shape, how much space do you take for yourself? Now would be an apt moment to slip in the fact that we already know: women generally claim less physical space in workplaces, public transportation, queues in stores, etc. It seems like women tend to apologize for simply taking the space they physical existence needs as if to say, "I'm sorry I exist, let me take as little space as possible." It's okay to ask for what you want and take the time you need, when you have a valid point to make.
Sometimes, saying sorry is the same as looking to other other person and asking "Is it okay if I go ahead and live my life using my free will? For example,
I'm sorry. I signed up at a gym. I didn't check with you.
I'm sorry; I've turned vegetarian now. We can still go to that barbeque place.
Sorry, I didn't talk to your colleague. I somehow didn't feel comfortable with him standing too close to me.
Learning to say "please and thank you" is great. But if you were brought up by authoritarian parents who made you feel guilty for everything, you learned to say sorry to cope with the trauma. In this case, learn to release the guilt that you carry from your past to live an authentic life.
People may not like what you do, agree with your views, acknowledge your unique strengths or opinions. Yet, you deserve to be treated with respect. If you feel apologetic for simply being you, you'd rather please others than please yourself by living a life true to you.
Your body: You owe no one an explanation or apology for the size, shape, color you are. Your curls, your curves or lack or curls, your body structure, your body hair, double chin, unibrow is NOBODY's business.
More intellectual, too mainstream, less interesting, too chick-flicky, all these are labels you don't need to worry about to decide your interests. What makes you feel good is the right thing for you.
Never apologize for where you come from and the heritage you carry through your looks, culture, rituals, or lifestyle choices. As long as it doesn't involve harming yourself or others, you can celebrate your roots and respect others as equals.
You feel what you feel. Emotions are your body's response to thoughts. You could work on your thoughts, but there is no reason to say sorry to feel what you feel. Even if others don't, practice self-compassion to soothe yourself. This isn't the same as self-pity.
Don't apologize for being talented or having a skill. People who want you to be lesser than who you are aren't healthy for your mental health or emotional well-being.
Your need for space and time alone
Everyone needs some time alone to process through things, to unwind, to simply be, and to enjoy things they like doing alone.
You don't have to apologize for saying NO to people and things that make you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or violated. You don't need to say sorry to say no to demands or requests that might drain you.
Rest comes first. So does healthy eating, enough time to unwind and relax, your fitness, etc. You don't need to say sorry for taking care of yourself.