It is normal to have arguments when you and your partner have conflicting opinions. But if it translates into a verbally abusive argument then you need to reconsider your relation.
In any relationship, communication is important, which we often ignore. The tone of communication or rather the way of delivering a message is important as sometimes a simple message delivered in a rude tone can push you into a miserable space. Not discounting the fact that nobody is perfect, there is a fine line between having a drawback and participating in verbal abuse. If your partner is consistently verbally abusive then you need to seriously reconsider the relationship.
It is normal to have a non-mutual dialogue where you and your partner have conflicting opinions, but if this translates into a verbally abusive argument then you need to bring it to your partner's attention that you do not appreciate being spoken to in that manner. There are instances when you might fail to recognize the abusive nature of a statement, so, here are 13 types of verbal abuses you should watch out for.
This is self-explanatory and under no circumstance is your partner permitted to call you names. Regardless of the reasons or the amount of anger bottling up in him/her calling you names is demeaning and verbally abusive in nature. There are things we say in the heat of the moment, but it turns into abuse when this form of behavior consistently repeats itself. If you are called names that trigger you it should not be tolerated more than once.
Yelling is outright abusive and even in the most frustrating or infuriating arguments, you should refrain from resorting to yelling. There are much subtler ways of conveying what you have to say and yet make your point. If every discussion in your argument leads to yelling and your partner refuses to budge from his/her point you might be venturing into abusive territory.
These can be presented in multiple ways and is crafted in various forms, which holds the essence of an ultimatum or a threat. If your partner threatens you or stakes the relationship to get you to to do things according to his/her wishes it is an evident red-flag in a relationship. If the threats are not that serious but if it proves to be a pattern to get things done then you need to run through the front door.
It can be tricky to spot the difference between your partner giving you advice or they manipulating you yo do what they want. This is well disguised and serves their purpose. Your partner might use manipulation when he/she is finding it difficult to ask what he/she wants. Trusting your gut serves as the guiding light and identifying moments where your partner exhibits controlling nature. If you feel like you are being controlled and manipulated you need to re-evaluate this relationship.
Making comments about your ability, preferences, orientation or gender is not acceptable in any relationship. If your partner does not recognize the fact that you have contrasting opinions and you will not agree to everything and makes demeaning comments about your opinions then it is a glaring red flag. You need to get out of the relationship.
It is common in a relationship for one of you to criticize the things about your partner which annoys you. Sometimes this leads to feeling unappreciated. It is human nature to highlight the other person's behavior and criticize aspects which they don't like, but if it involves inflammatory language and targets deeply personal issues then it falls in the verbally abusive category. Talk to your partner and tell them that how their behavior is affecting you. If you see no change after the talk, it's time to move on.
Actions have consequences and if your partner escapes taking responsibility for his/her actions it is a negative sign regarding the relationship. They might use tactics to divert your attention or change the topic and not take responsibility for their actions. We all do this occasionally, but if this repeats itself on a regular basis then it might incline towards the verbally abusive arena.
This is a branch of not taking responsibility and your partner shrugs off the responsibilities and its consequences on you. This is one of the foundational stones of establishing a verbally abusive relationship. A relationship is a two-way street and your partner should be able to see the roles each of you play. If the blame game continues in multiple arguments then you should have a confrontational moment.
Conflict of interest and arguments are a part-and-parcel of every relationship and the two of you might not agree on many things.
But if it seems like your partner's replies are argumentative or they are trying to pick a fight on every single thing you are trying to say then you need to talk because it might start becoming abusive. When this becomes abusive you would start feeling emotionally drained and exhausted of the relationship.
Helping your partner to get things done can be a bonding experience, but if this transforms into consistent behavior you need to watch out. Your partner might be ordering you around since the notion has been established that you are okay doing things for him/her. If this transforms into power dynamic with him/her taking the dominating role then you need to reconsider the relationship.
Your partner's condescending nature can be evident from their tone and also their actions towards you. A relationship has an established equality and autonomy between partners and if your partner does not value your equality and tries to establish a supreme stance in the relationship it is transforming into a controlling and abusive relationship. The would tend to instruct rather than request and order you around rather than doing it themselves.
It is boring and dull to have a relationship that is serious and there is no spark of fun. This could be ignited through jokes and sassy comments. But, when jokes begin to have an ulterior motive and send a message that your partner might not convey through words you need to set boundaries in your relationship. You need to identify these jokes based on your instinct and you can also spot the ones that undermine your capabilities or you as an entity.
This is a bit unconventional, but stonewalling or holding off information isn't a sign of a healthy relationship. If your partner handles issues in a different way he/she would process the incident and communicate what bothers him/her. However, on the other hand, constantly withholding information and mentally abusing falls in the category of verbal abuse.
It can be difficult to spot the toxic nature of verbal abuse since you will be tricked into feeling that you are at fault. And if you are familiar with this behavior then it is time to reconsider the relationship or work it out depending on the magnitude of the issue. The only instance where you can work it out is when your partner is flawed and not inclining towards the verbally abusive end of the spectrum.