Your partner hasn't spoken a word to you in hours? Your first thought says a lot about your relationship

Your partner hasn't spoken a word to you in hours? Your first thought says a lot about your relationship

We know what's running in your head. Here's what your first thought says about your, your attachment style, and your relationship.

How do you feel when your partner doesn't speak a word for hours together? Are you comfortable with silence? How long is too long to go without speaking? 

While the illustration is representative of a day at home, the idea is to understand how silence or lack of verbal communication can affect you. The thoughts you have a few hours into not having heard a word from your partner says more about how you perceive yourself and the relationship than about what he thinks of you.

This analysis is based on the assumption that your partner is a kind, affectionate, and considerate individual. If there is any sign of disrespect from his end, then it would be an entirely different story.

1. He is bored of me.

If this is your first thought, you believe you need to be constantly doing something to entertain your partner. You are smart and incredible just as you are. If a few hours of silence perturbs you, it could indicate that you are still in a phase where words matter much. Or, it could mean that you aren't sure of yourself, and feel a need to be reassured often. Look at early life experiences where you felt pressurized to constantly ensure people around you were okay. You don't need to always be your best to entertain others. 

2. He doesn't care.

If he is a genuinely kind and considerate guy, and he just happens to have zoned out for a bit, you won't feel insecure by a few hours of silence. However, if your attachment style is anxious and your early life experiences have been traumatic or made your distrustful, you are likely to equate his behavior to him not caring enough.

You might also tend to doubt your own self-worth. Don't beat yourself for this. Each of us come with a baggage that makes certain situations trigger previous wounds. A relationship offers you the opportunity to heal parts of you that need to some self-love.

3. How dare he ignore me!

If you feel pissed off that he is watching a lame show instead of telling you how awesome you are, you believe he owes you constant attention. Expecting them to constantly be engaged with you is unreasonable and, at times, intrusive. Cut him some slack. But that doesn't mean you need to sit and mope around. Get off the couch, call a girlfriend and get out and have a good time. Or, pick a book that you have been meaning to read for a while, put on some face pack, or take time to reflect on your life, do some journaling and soul searching.

4. Hmm. This movie is so boring. 

If this is your thought, you are simply making an observation. You aren't going to sit there bored, but neither are you going to blame your partner for not entertaining you. You are likely to simply ask him to change the channel if he isn't finding it good either, or go to the kitchen and make yourself some hot herbal tea. Now that the house is quiet, you have some time to unwind and have a good time alone. You might end up reading or doing something you enjoy When your partner zones back in, you greet him with a smile but don't really put down your book immediately.

5. I think it's time for a pedicure.

You figure your partner isn't really in the mood to talk, and the show is super boring. You don't waste any time wondering what's with your partner. You simply get up, put on some good music and enjoy a long bubble bath, get a home pedicure, and feel pampered. Now is the perfect time to catch up on your favorite show or do a video chat with your best friend.

6. Did I do something wrong? Why isn't he talking?

If this is your first thought, you tend to often feel guilty and assume responsibility for how your partner feels. If your partner is generally expressive and doesn't use the silent treatment to manipulate you, then it is your pattern of guilt that is making you wonder if you did something wrong to upset him.

Give yourself a break. You are responsible for how you feel, and cannot "make" anyone feel a certain way. How they choose to react or feel is their decision. Instead of assuming responsibility, go and do something that is fun and self-nourishing.

7. Wait. Maybe this movie does get interesting.

You don't really care why your partner is being quiet.  Perhaps, the movie is worth a watch. You tend to view things at face value and don't attach emotions to every action of your partner. Besides, if the movie isn't good enough, you wouldn't mind getting up and doing something more fun on your own.

8. I should probably go for a walk.

You are quite busy and you don't have time for the many things you want to do. If your partner isn't very engaging, or, for that matter, even at times he isn't zoned out, you tend to get done with things on your to-do list. You know that you both have different priorities and interests, so you are objective with your time. Of course, you also make time to connect with him, but not at the cost of putting your needs second. 

9. Let me just ask him what's going on.

If you feel something is off, you don't waste time trying to figure it in your head. Instead, you address it directly. There is no room for assumptions or worry. If there is a reason he isn't keen to talk, you find out if it's something to do with you. If not, you let him take his time and resolve his stuff or ask him how you can help him feel better. If he is simply in his star-gazing mode, you do something to occupy yourself.

10. You ignore, I double ignore.

If that's what you think, then you are prone to engage in mind games that don't lead anywhere. Your guy is just zoned out and his brain on auto-cleaning mode to process through things after a long day. Or, he just doesn't want to talk for a reason.

Either way, feeling ignored and choosing to make your partner pay for it isn't healthy for you or your relationship. Of course, if your partner tends to be the kind who turns cold often, it's a different story. But if he just in one of those odd moments, let him be and do you own happy thing.

Understanding your attachment style and that of your partner will make communication between the two of you. It's also possible your primary means of acknowledgment comes from words rather than other forms such as doing chores for you, buying you gifts, or touch. 

Recommended for you