Your in-laws play an important role in role in your spouse’s life, thus, making them a part of your life too. Some might welcome you and some might turn their backs.
Agreed, marriage is an important milestone in everyone's life, and not to forget the last minute arrangments, mixed feelings, joys, gifts, tribulations and the butterflies in the stomach before walking down the aisle. And with marriage you just not enter a phase of a relationship but also a new family enters in your life. With a new family comes new relations, newer faces to remember and sometimes nosy in-laws.
Your in-laws play an important role in role in your spouse’s life, thus, linking you to them and making them a part of your life too. With another family in your life, it could become difficult to lead a balanced life with your needs and the needs of the newly added family.
Relationship with your in-laws can be tricky and needs to be dealt with a calm mind. While some in-laws are cool and will accept you with open arms, others can be tricky and difficult to handle.
It is imperative to create a family accord and avoid conflicts for a harmonious marriage at the same time building the bridges and developing a bond. Here are a few ways to deal with difficult in-laws.
It is important to discuss with your partner about ways to deal with his/her parents since they share an entirely different equation with them. The first step is to resolve a conflict among yourselves to avoid awkward situations in front of your in-laws.
Additionally, you could refrain from putting your spouse in a position where they have to choose between a family member and you. You need to maintain a cordial relationship with them irrespective of their perception of you.
You need to set boundaries within the marriage and in relation to the equation, you share with his/her side of the family. You can effectively do this by reaching a middle ground and setting core family values. Also, communicating all these values to respective sides of families would help in giving them a clear picture of the dynamic the two of you share. And the best guideline to live by is, not to make promises that you cannot keep.
This is the time you need to put words into action and not back off from implementing the values when the situation arises. Also, you do not need to be stubborn and as inflexible as a teenager, but you need to make sure that your core principles are not compromised.
For instance, if you prefer being informed of a visit to your home then, you need to make it clear that you do not like drop-in company. Ask your spouse to convey this message to his/her parents, so that the next such a situation arise, let your spouse take the lead and handle the in-laws.
No matter what kind of a situation you are stuck in, never make your spouse as the third party who will deliver messages to your in-laws. For instance, if there is a house-warming party and you want to invite your in-laws, make sure that you invite them personally and don't make your spouse call them and send an invitation. This will make your bond with your in-laws stronger and your spouse won't get into any kind of crossfire.
It is important to be yourself, and not imitate someone else your in-laws look upto regardless of the situation. But, if there are minor changes that would not affect your individualistic identity or personality and in fact will make you a better version of yourself, then these changes are worth giving a shot.
This would show that you are putting efforts to make the marriage work and are avoiding any kind of situations that would bring out any resentment in the future. However, the decision of making a choice should in your hands. For if you have been managing home and work well, then there is no need to quit your well-paying job if your in-laws insist.
In the heat of the moment, you would want to react and make a point to protect your partner or yourself. But, understanding that they share a different dynamic with your spouse and sparing them your anger will help you in a long run. This would eliminate the possibilities of a conflict between the two of you.
Not reacting in that instant and taking time to cool down and respond with a well-thought answer would help in keeping the relations harmonious. An important fact to consider is that you need to swallow your ego and play it nice to avoid having bitterness between you and your in-laws.
There would be many situations where you want to lash out at your in-laws. But, you need to remember that they are not your parents. Well, your parents are sort of obligated to love you and tolerate your tantrums.
So, while dealing with your in-laws you need to be careful and think different. This might involve looking at things from their perspective and understanding their stance before impulsively reacting.
Dealing with your in-laws can be difficult and strenuous, but there are a few tactful methods that would help maintain a peaceful relationship. Also, you need to understand where to draw a line and not give in altering your identity or personality according to their wishes. Establishing a firm stance and being respectful to their wishes would take you a long way and avoid unnecessary tension in your marriage.