Cheating is never your fault. But, when you demand too much, it can make them feel extremely dissatisfied and lead them to find comfort elsewhere.
Expectations are a part of every relationship, be it a romantic one, a friendship, or even one with family members. You expect your parents to have your back in the same way you expect your friends to be there for you. Romantic relationships come with a whole different level of expectations. Your romantic partner is someone who is (often) exclusively yours, and so the standard is already set quite high.
When you're partnered with someone, you tend to start taking for granted the things they do for you and their degree of involvement in your life. If your lover fails to satisfy your expectations once in a while, those moments jar you out of your reverie and make you realize how much you depend on them to fulfill your emotional and physical needs. You may even become disconcerted to the point of expressing your frustration with them.
Let's look at a minor example. Every night when you come home to your partner or vice versa, the two of you exchange a quick peck on the cheek. It's a small gesture, but you've come to expect the little kiss every night. One day, your lover is a bit preoccupied with work or chores or is feeling under the weather and doesn't welcome you. Your brain immediately takes notice and starts throwing theories around: they don't love you, they're mad at you, etc.
Now imagine many such instances building up over the course of a few days or even within a single night. It would be enough to drive you crazy with worry or frustration and may even drive you to action. The communication of frustration or concern may blindside your lover, whether you say it with kindness or frustration. They may feel the pressure to be perfect even when it's justifiable to take a break from pleasing you.
Think about it; no one is perfect, and sometimes it's easy for us to forget to treat them as human beings who are only capable of so much. When we overburden them with expectations and complain about every single thing they forget to do for us or every time they slip, it can become overbearing and taxing. Soon they will be desperate for some respite from us and our demanding love.
If you have a history of partners drifting away from you and becoming more and more aloof around you, and if you've been cheated on by multiple partners, then it's time for you to either reevaluate your taste in men or women or for you to sit down and have a long talk with yourself about your approach to relationships. Cheating is never your fault, but you can certainly make it seem like an attractive option if you're smothering your partner with expectations.
Remember these points the next time you feel like you're going overboard:
We tend to expect our partner to be there for us whenever we need them and to be the perfect balm for all our wounds. Unfortunately, no one is capable of fulfilling every need we have or healing every hurt we've been through. Some of our deepest struggles may be very difficult to relate to, and if you constantly feel like your partner isn't caring enough to understand or putting in enough effort, then maybe you need to take a step back and cut them some slack.
Conflicts are an important part of any relationship. When you think that your partner fighting with you is a sign that he or she doesn't love you, then you've got an unhealthy attitude toward conflict. You need to understand that you are two different people who cannot possibly be compatible in every way. It is all right to have disagreements and differences in opinion, and it is certainly healthy to have a unique identity.
One of the mistakes people often make when striving for a perfect relationship is failing to address serious issues that could be undermining your partnership because you are so averse to conflict. You need to be able to communicate discomforts and boundaries in a loving way so that both of you can work together at resolving issues. If both of you are too afraid to say something, conflicts may be avoided, but the relationship will eventually fall apart.
People grow as they go through life, and every experience changes them a little. Your partner and you are constantly learning, not only from your environments but also from each other, and it is impossible for you to expect each other to remain the same for the entirety of your relationship. Appreciate the novelty of discovering who they are and who they've become instead of deriving anxiety from it.
Some partners can become extremely jealous, forbidding their partners from contact with exes or with anyone they believe might appear more attractive to their lovers. You may feel betrayed when you see your partner looking a little too long at an attractive stranger who walks by.
Yes, Trump completing a woman she looked fit was an impeachable offense! Oh wait, did we get Obama for ogling? pic.twitter.com/qziKxI9it8— FriendlyJan🍀🇺🇸👍🏼 (@FriendlyJMC) July 17, 2017
The truth is, attraction doesn't disappear once you're in a relationship. Instead of reacting negatively to this, it's best for you and your partner to openly discuss the attractions you feel individually. This reduces the stigma around it and also reduces the intrigue your partner has in the other person. When you feel secure in your relationship, you will be less prone to jealousy and acting out.
Sexual intimacy can be a great incentive for two people to enter a relationship, but it cannot serve as the anchor that holds the relationship together. If you're expecting your partner to satisfy you every time you have sex, you may end up being disappointed when the sex isn't that great. Make sure that you work hard to understand each others' needs and desires without complaining about it so that neither of you is tempted to look for greener pastures.
A relationship does not exclude everyone else from the lives of the people involved. It is unhealthy to expect your partner to spend all their free time with you or to include you in all their plans. It is also unhealthy for two people to be so completely dependent on each other. If you don't make time to meet your friends, then you will have nowhere to vent your frustrations regarding your relationship, or you may end up feeling stifled.
Often, many conflicts in relationships emerge due to a lack of communication. One person in the relationship assumes that their partner is attuned to their thoughts and feels like some things go without saying. Unfortunately, expecting your partner to read your mind has never worked in any relationship. You need to be honest and open about your feelings and not expect things you haven't explicitly asked for. Avoid turning your love into a mind game.
While constantly hearing negative messages about yourself from your partner is a major red flag in a relationship, rejecting your partner over a single heated exchange in which they said things they didn't mean will only hurt you. When your partner is truly sorry and seeks your forgiveness, withholding your love will only hurt them and drive you apart.
Many people expect their partners to become better versions of themselves over time and eventually transcend all their limitations and become a sort of beatific being. Maybe not to that extent, but we can get frustrated if we feel like our partners are still stuck in the same old ruts that they were in at the beginning of the relationship.
People are flawed, and some flaws stay with them for life. Sometimes, we have to learn to accept them for who they are, no matter what their flaws are. When we come to terms with their imperfections and learn to be patient with their shortcomings, then we won't be so frustrated when we perceive a lack of improvement. After all, we want to be loved despite our own flaws, so why not extend that to our partners?
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