Mom urges parents to follow the ‘let them’ theory for their own sanity: ‘As long as it’s not dangerous'

Mothers often slip into the habit of controlling every move their toddlers make, out of love, care, and a need to protect. But in this video that is making the rounds on TikTok, this mother who goes by @kailanimb offers a different perspective. Her simple piece of advice is to 'let them be.' She turns on her camera and shares what she calls the best parenting advice she has ever received. 

She goes on to say, “You are missing out on sanity if you’re a mother to a toddler and you’re not applying the ‘let them’ theory to parenting.” Her message conveys that mothers should stop trying to control everything. Let toddlers explore. Let them be messy. Let them test the world around them, as long as they’re not in danger or harming anyone. “As long as it’s not dangerous or destructive to life, limb, or property, let them. Let go of a little bit,” she says. “Let them have more control than they think they do.” She continues, explaining that one of the reasons parenting feels harder today is because of how much we try to structure and control our kids’ behavior. 

The short video quickly gained traction on TikTok, resonating with parents who are tired, overwhelmed, and looking for a gentler, more forgiving way to raise their children. Thousands of viewers flooded the comments, some in full support, others raising concerns. Among the first to back her message was Amanda, a pediatric speech therapist and child development specialist, who commented, “This is seriously the most sanity-saving thing.” Another mom, Caitlin, shared a glimpse into her daily life, writing, “My child is very well behaved, but extended family is confused by what I let him do. ‘He’s playing with ice cubes on the floor, isn’t that messy?’ Me, lounging and enjoying a conversation: ‘Uh, no.’”

But not everyone found it easy to apply. One user, @Maggie Perkins, asked, “How do you approach a ‘let them’ mindset in public places without inconveniencing or disturbing others? I’d be concerned kids might struggle with inconsistent expectations based on setting.” Another, @Emily, struggling with generational differences, added, “Okay, but how do I gently parent my boomer mother into understanding this concept when she visits? She’s always interfering, like, please just let her play how she wants!”

Many parents echoed that the idea sounds freeing, but is hard to apply consistently, especially when out in public or when surrounded by relatives who don’t understand the approach. Backing this, a Stanford-led research study led by Jelena Obradović finds that too much parental involvement when children are focused on an activity can undermine development. The researchers observed parents’ behavior when kindergarten-age children were actively engaged in playing, cleaning up toys, learning a new game, and discussing a problem. The children of parents who more often stepped in to provide instructions, corrections, or suggestions, or to ask questions, despite the children being appropriately on task, displayed more difficulty regulating their behavior and emotions at other times. 

For more videos like this, you can follow @kailanimb on TikTok!