New mom confesses she didn't 'immediately love' her baby after birth — and some parents totally get it
A mom’s unconventional take on emotional connection with her newborn has spurred on a discussion about postnatal depression and more. Imogen Coles, who goes by @imogencoles on TikTok, recently welcomed her newborn daughter. In a now-viral video, the mother of two divulges that she had finally come to love her daughter. While it sounded off for many people online, Coles explained how and why her questionable feelings about her child emerged. “I realized this morning, I finally love my daughter,” the mother admits at the beginning of the video.
As she cradles her baby daughter, Maisie, Coles reflects upon the overwhelming nature of motherhood. She claimed to be unlike other moms who are able to connect to their babies instantly. “I’m not one of those people who give birth to a child and then love them immediately. It takes me a little bit of time. I don’t get that instant rush of, ‘I love you. You’re the most amazing thing ever,” Coles disclosed. Instead, she feels an obligation to care for and nurture her baby to keep her “alive.” “Otherwise, I’m done for murder sort of thing,” the TikTok mom mused.
At nearly five weeks old, Coles was finally able to sprout a connection with her baby daughter. “We finally love you, that’s good, isn’t it?” However, the mom of two does not fail to mention that similar feelings consumed her during her first childbirth. After her son, Cillian, was born, the love bond took her even longer. “I think my son took, like, maybe, six weeks. I don’t know. But today I am feeling all sorts of squishy for her,” she confessed. Coles’ frankness about her honest emotions reached a massive audience, eliciting a mix of reactions. The clip was liked by 396,400 people, and the comments ranged from praise to criticism.
“The side of motherhood they never show,” wrote @kutlwanoandiswamo. While @mialouise385 shared, “It took me about 4 months to convince myself I wasn’t babysitting.” “This is completely normal and I’m tired of people pretending it’s not,” said @danni.daily13. Someone else (@goodnightsweetheartigans) joked, “My mom’s still waiting.” A critic (@rebeccafortune2) said, “Very strange. But everyone’s different.” “Yeah, girl, this is odd,” chimed in another (@rorilancett). Likewise, a confused viewer (@zeljanya) asked, “What happened to people?”
Meanwhile, Coles explained her point of view to Newsweek. “I feel there is a difference between loving the idea of the child and loving the actual human," she reflected, adding that a connection is important to develop a “love bond,” which takes time. “I’ve definitely felt a connection to Maisie faster than I did with my firstborn, but I think that's also because I knew it would come in time. I didn't put pressure on myself,” Coles said.
According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, many parents may not instantly bond with their babies. This usually grows during the first year of the baby’s life as the parent and child share experiences and spend time together. Baby blues are real and often stem from feelings of anxiety, distress, and sadness, lasting up to 3 weeks. Coles' clip is important considering the lack of talk around postnatal depression and how it affects mothers' relationships with their kids.
You can follow @imogencoles on TikTok for more videos.