Psychologist warns against ‘toxic’ phrases parents often say to their children: ‘Because I said...’

Some common phrases parents often use around their children can cause significant harm.

PUBLISHED 5 HOURS AGO

Representative image of a mother looking disappointed with her daughter (Cover Image Source: Getty Images | Photo by bymuratdeniz)

From the moment a child is born, parents play a key role in shaping their behavior and view of the world. Good parenting doesn’t mean always being perfect—it simply means being thoughtful and understanding of the child's needs and desires. Sadly, most caregivers resort to some common tactics to pacify their children, without realizing the harm it can do. According to a child psychologist, Reem Raouda, there are certain phrases that parents often say to their kids without thinking twice, but these phrases can be harmful and counterproductive in the long run.

A representative image of a mother scolding her daughter. (Image Source: Getty Images | Photo By Dima Berlin)

As reported by the New York Post, Raouda points out that a phrase almost every parent often uses—“Because I said so”—when giving instructions to their child, is not at all effective. She wrote, "[This phrase] shuts down communication and teaches blind obedience. But explaining your reasoning, even just briefly, helps your child feel respected." Instead of using this phrase, Raouda suggested that the parents say, “I know you don’t like this decision. I’ll explain, and then we’re moving forward." She claims that this sentence shows calm and respectful leadership, and communicates to the kids that their parents are in charge while their feelings and emotions are being validated.

A representative image of a dad calmly talking to his son. (Image Source: Getty Images | Photo By Seventy Four)

Another common phrase that the expert pointed out was, "If you don’t listen, you’ll lose [X privilege]." She suggested replacing this with, “When you’re ready to do [X specific behavior], we can do [X desired activity]." According to her, it will help the parents to keep their boundaries firm while also letting the child decide when they’re ready. Moving ahead, the third phrase is the one that many of us might have heard at some point during our childhood. It says, "Stop crying. You’re fine." The expert argues that this small yet hurtful phrase can make a child feel that their feelings are wrong.

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Instead, Raouda urged the parents to say, “I see you’re really upset. Tell me what’s happening.” This will make them feel heard, building a stronger trust between parents and children. Furthermore, the next two phrases that Raouda believes can be hurtful are "How many times do I have to tell you?" and "You know better than that." She instead recommends saying, “I’ve asked about this a few times. Help me understand what’s making this hard for you,” and “Something’s getting in the way of your best self right now. Let’s talk about it,” respectively.

Raouda believes that parenting isn’t always about controlling—it is also about making kids feel safe and respected. Meanwhile, in one incident that highlights how thoughtful parenting can be effective, a father's mindful technique calms down his son in the midst of a tantrum. This moment came after the little boy got into a fight at school. When confronted about his rage episode, the little boy teared up, but his dad taught him that controlling his anger is a part of growing up. He then proceeds to gently touch his dad's face, a gesture that suggests he was in his safe space.